Scarecrow in Search of OZ

I figure it is my duty to explain to you just how bad Chuck Stricker failed Geography. There are maps through out our office. I am so fortunate to have the one map in the office which contains the United States in its entirety, with the most amount of detail. This gives me the unique opportunity to hear any and all geographic questions. My first real opportunity came on a day in which Chuck was dealing with a customer in Maryland. In his conversation with his customer Chuck was trying to figure out how much the shipping cost would be. The customer realized Chuck was having a little trouble nailing down where in fact Maryland was. The customer offers his assistance with “we are right outside of Washington”. I am not sure how the conversation ended but soon thereafter Chuck struts over to my office, stands in front of the map and looks up. I watch him as his eyes survey the map not really looking at a specific area just roaming. His hand was on his belly exposing his wife-beater under his Ocho Cinco jersey. He was making the sucking noise which sounds like it would if someone had just finished a Corn on the Cob eating contest and is now trying to get those irritating strands, out from between their teeth without using a toothpick. He interrupts my stares with, “hey, help me out with something”; he said with his eyes still looking blankly at the map, as if he didn’t even know where to start. He says, “Can you tell me where Maryland is?” almost like he was challenging me to see if I knew where it was. He changed his tune abruptly when my response was, “you’ve got to be kidding me”. I point and with a stern sound in my voice, say “There!” Taken back, he goes on to rationalize his stupidity by going through the conversation with me. Then he gets to the part of the helpful customer telling him they are outside of Washington. He goes on to say “so I am looking over by Seattle…” I stop him with just a “No, Washington D.C.” He goes on, not phased or embarrassed by what had just transpired, and says “You know what? That’s probably what he meant.” Probably? PROBABLY! I, in no way, believe he was talking about “any other” Washington, but our nation’s capital.
Not as entertaining but another short story, shortly thereafter Chuck was looking at the map again … wait let me first explain to you what he is wearing at this moment. Starting from the top, he had just recently shaved his head, probably due to the fact when he first started working in the office and not the warehouse, to appear more presentable he tried styling his the horseshoe shaped pattern of hair he was still holding on to. This didn’t work and he started looking more like bozo the clown then a man with any dignity. Next he had on a guido necklace, I would say gold but odds are “not gold”. I only noticed this because the white Hankook polo was completely unbuttoned. By the way Chuck pronounces it Handcock.. And the polo that looked as if he found it sitting at the bottom of a dirty laundry hamper that had been there for weeks. But at least his Black Jeans looked somewhat clean. He topped off this ensemble with a pair of bright white K-Swiss sneakers. So he is now staring blankly at the map telling me about a customer in Miami. And I shit-you-not he says to me “hey, where’s Miami?” My response is, “Ohio? Or do you mean Florida?” Judging by where he was looking at on the map he wasn’t talking about either one b/c his eyes were drifting around the Houston, Texas area. He was apparently talking about Miami, Florida because he asked what part of Florida. I don’t believe I warranted that with a response. And just a side note here, Paul Dressed up in that exact outfit for Halloween 2008, and he had no idea Paul was mocking him.
Lastly there was a day a couple months back where Chuck was getting excited about a new customer in Knoxville, Tennessee. This customer came from a national chain. He had looked in the system and noticed that this particular store had never ordered. Chuck was floating on cloud nine. Brock informed him that Knoxville did in fact order. Chuck insisted that Brock come and verify with his own two eyes. To Brocks surprise, he noticed Chuck was looking for “Noxville” not Knoxville.